I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
