so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
