dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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