I'm lost and stupid without you.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
