But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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