Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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