my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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