The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
