You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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