So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
