I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
