I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
