Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
