What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
