that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
