Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
