Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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