The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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