I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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