at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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