angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
