Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
