So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
