no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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