You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
