so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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