I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
