I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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