I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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