he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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