Define "chronic" masturbator.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
