Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
