I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
