first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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