I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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