I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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