Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
