I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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