I puked a lego.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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