the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
there is glitter all over my balls
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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