He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
