walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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