i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
