Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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