I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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