Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
