Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
