He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
