When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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