What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
