the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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