No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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