we have officially lost it.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
