I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
